Values and morals are the foundation on which each and every one of us lives our lives. Together they are the cornerstone of who we are as individuals. This is why it is necessary to define and acknowledge our morals and values. Much like the famous quote says “if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything” and a sure way down the wrong path is to fall for anything. Today, more than ever, it is essential to know who you are as an individual, and I have found the first, most crucial step to personal awareness is to know your core values and moral beliefs. Each of us has an inner compass that is comprised of what we feel, think, care about, and value that drives our decisions, actions, goals and ultimately acts as our source for internal abundance and happiness.
Today, more than ever, it is essential to know who you are as an individual.
This concept didn’t hit home for me until 2012 when I was in an advertising job that worked me to the bone. I had no time for anything other than work. I never saw my family, friends, there was no time for dating, and barely time to eat more than one balanced meal a day. I had no time for anything other than work. We’re talking weekdays, weeknights, weekends and holidays. Needless to say, I was miserable. And when you’re unhappy it can quickly lead to the downward spiral of shame and depression, so to stop my spiral before I was too far gone, I needed to reevaluate my life and ask myself what I really wanted.
It was time to ask myself if what I was doing created any benefit for me (outside of salary of course) and what those benefits were. I thought about how my line of work aligned with what I cared about most and how my decision to show up each day only for work and nothing else affected me. I knew that I felt trapped and I wondered why, after all, I had spent so much of my life working towards this career so naturally, it would become such a big part of what I did every day. It was the thing that I put so much time and energy into, however, I had never intended it to be the ONLY thing I put time and energy into. I began to think about what else I would do with my time if I didn’t have such a demanding job. My list was simple, yet it all felt like a dream and so far off because it seemed unattainable to me at the time. I wanted to see my family during the holidays; I wanted to have a spontaneous night out with friends or a simple date, and I needed to have the flexibility to be where I needed to be when I needed to be there. Whether at a hospital bed by my father’s side or in another state helping to care for an ill family member or to support a friend who is going through a difficult pregnancy, I just wanted to be there for those that needed me the most. I wanted to be present and take full advantage of the one life I had to live. That realization led me to redefine what I valued most, and that list looked something like this:
– Family
– Friends
– Health / Wellness of self
– Love / Support of others
– Enjoying the present
– Making memories | Being Present
– Traveling & Learning
After redefining my values, it was time to revisit my morals and the things that I knew to be true about myself. The things that aligned the most within my soul, and that list look like this:
– Always be Kind
– Practice Patience (still working on it)
– Giving Back whenever possible
– Value Strength and Independence
– Be Trustworthy
– Serve through empowerment
– Stay Humble
– Act only from a place of Love
Needless to say, when I checked my job/situation with my values and morals, they did not align. No wonder I was unhappy for so long! While I loved getting the paycheck, I had no time to spend the money. While the job would have paid for traveling, I had not the time nor anyone to go with. I realized that while I have always loved production, and the idea of taking something intangible like an emotion, a thought, or a story and bringing it to life so others can experience it, that advertising adversely had become more about convincing and manipulation. Outside of the pro-bono projects we did for good, everything else was about selling products to people who could or could not use them (it didn’t matter) and all to solely meet a quota or bottom line, and ultimately that bottom line was more and more money for big corporations. It immediately became clear that I needed to find a new profession in which I could align my morals, values, and soul with my work.
During that time I couldn’t help but notice how many other people were in the exact same situation that I was in. Working every day, making a good living, but completely unfulfilled and miserable. With the daily demands and responsibilities that are placed on us every single day, it is easy to lose sight of what we truly value most. It is easy to change our goals from ones that aligned with who we are, at our core, to goals that revolve around money, material things, accolades, and praise. However, those things do not matter, and they cannot bring any amount of happiness if they are not aligned with who we are or who we wish to become. It took some time to get my ducks in a row, but when I finally made the leap to leave that job in Oct 2012 for a gig that aligned with my values or morals, it was the single most liberating, empowering, proud and happiest moment of my life.
Money, material things, accolades, and praise cannot bring any amount of happiness if they are not aligned with who we are or who we wish to become.
Rediscover your core values and morals in 3 simple steps:
• 1 – Journaling:
Pick a day each week (I prefer Sundays) to review your agenda for the week, then quickly jot down what you would like to do that week if they were no other obligations no expectations of you. How would you spend your time? Would you attend a party, go on that date, take the kids to the park, etc.? Try to fit at least one thing on that list into your week. Next, each night, as you unwind from your day, think about all that you’re grateful for and jot that down. What made you smile and what you were thankful for that day? Did you talk on the phone with your bestie, visit with a family member, plan a trip or vacation, fit in a workout, eat healthy all day, experience nature, etc.? Continue this for at least 4 weeks, and as you collect your thoughts over the weeks you’ll see a pattern emerge which will help reveal all that you value most.
• 2 – Moral Affirmations:
For this step, it is easiest to think of the ideal version of yourself and then try to show up and be that person. Write down morals that align with your ideal version of yourself (we all know that is the real version of yourself, regardless if you lose sight of it now and again, if you feel it then it’s already a part of you). Use those morals as affirmations, print them out or put them on post-it notes and hang them around the house, in the car or at work – anywhere you will see them. After a few days, you’ll start to notice the shift in your perception. You will naturally begin to align with those affirmations almost as if you have reprogramed your mind which subsequently changed your actions to align you closer to those morals you’ve listed.
• 3 – Find action in silence:
I am a firm believer that we hear ourselves (our inner voice/compass) most clearly when we sit in a moment of silence. Deciding upon goals or next steps is difficult when your mind is cluttered, but once you are able to sit in silence, your mind and inner compass comprised of your values and morals will help lead the way. I realize this is easier said than done for most and it was especially was hard for me because so often when in silence the mind seems to wander and the clutter especially thick, however, you have to work on letting that clutter go.
Here are a few techniques that worked for me.
- Breathe. Close your eyes. Sit in silence and focus on your breath, breathing in and breathing out. Focus only on your breath and if your mind starts to wander, let it. Let the thought pass, acknowledge it, and let it go. Envision the intruding clutter as a balloon you let go, and it floats up into the sky until you can no longer see it. Then simply return to focusing on your breath, in and out. After you let go of all the clutter, you will start to experience and feel pure thoughts. Just listen and take note. Some call this meditation, however, there is no chanting involved, no proper way to sit, it’s a way to quiet the mind and to be present if only for a moment. No pressure, don’t push yourself, let it happen naturally. Set a timer and start with only a few minutes and work your way up to 20 minutes per day.
- Free Write. This is simply writing until all the clutter is out of your mind. Grab a notebook, open a laptop, or make a voice note into your phone. Use whatever you have to get the clutter out of your mind physically. Keep going to clear your mind until all of the clutter out, then sit in silence. If you find writing works best for you, continue to write beyond the clutter and note any feelings that come to you. As long as you are listening to that deep inner compass, you are doing it right.
I implore you if you are feeling restless or stuck, or you feel that your gut is ready for something else, take a moment to evaluate your values and your morals. If what you’re doing does not align with those values and morals change it as soon as possible because once you align with them, that is where the seeds of happiness begin.
